Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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