I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
