why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
