I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
