I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
