Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
