Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
