that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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