Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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