You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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