I feel great
I just peed on a car
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
