Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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