He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
