I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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