and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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