OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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