Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
