omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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