So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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