oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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