She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
