If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
