And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
