Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
