ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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