People in love make me want to vomit
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
