I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
