just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
