I can't watch pbs sober anymore
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
