it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
