Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
