Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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