i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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