high people should be assigned attendants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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