remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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