i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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