Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
