Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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