so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
