brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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