Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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