Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm like, not good at living.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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