Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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