i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
