he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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