I wish I could teleport
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
