You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
