is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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