I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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