I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
