Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
