i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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