false alarm. still invincible.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
