I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
