i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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