You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
