If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
