so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
