Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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