you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
