so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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