If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
