Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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