My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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