This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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